I've spent this past week or so working through some frustrations which have been building up over the entirety of the existence of Hey Jules. It really wasn't what I had wanted to do with my week... I really should have been doing other things however, with Tripod changing their server space I was rather forced into it... which I didn't take well... I wasn't quite ready to face it all.. In facing it, I lashed out at everything attached to the site/Julian in a means to bring it entirely back to myself without external influences or pulls so that I'm able to make an honest decision on it all. Burned all the bridges so to speak. I had not meant the mention of Julian to be taken as harshly as it was by many people. His part in the frustrations with the site are relatively minimal. Anyone who has followed Julian's career for any length of time is aware of his tendencies.. I think he has good intentions just perhaps isn't quite aware of the tendencies himself.

Prior to doing web design, I taught Calculus, Differential Equations and Nuclear Physics in the Navy. Learning HTML was a means to pacify the feeling that my brain was atrophying when I became a stay at home mom. I was a huge fan of Julian's when I was a teenager. Valotte came out when I was a freshman in high school. For some reason I became attached to Julian... became a fan.. wanted to know all about him. He is the only celebrity or person for that matter, that I've ever done that with. He was the obvious choice for a site topic. I had also been a bit into Paul and Linda (McCartney) sort of peripherally through Julian and did a bit with them with Linda's death.

Shortly after starting the site I almost abandoned it due to a rather competitive individual who felt I should keep to Paul that there was no need for another Julian site on the web. Ironically, the person who encouraged me to keep going with the site because she liked the creativity I placed into it was Marsha Ewing of InstantKarma.com - A HUGE Yoko fan... so when everyone is tempted to lash out at either and I know it happens.. you might keep that in mind... No she doesn't do much with the Julian section of that site, however, without her, Hey Jules would have likely ended a few months after it started...

Once learning to ignore said individual, I thought it was fun getting to know other fans. I had never known any as a teenager... It was sort of a way of reliving it all.. nostalgia so to speak. However, I found that being a fan wasn't really where my heart was... Yes I still think very fondly of Julian. However, I'm not a teenager anymore. My fondness comes from that nostalgia. I enjoy trying to help promote him. Giving him something back so to speak for the fond memories I have due to his music from my teenage years... however, it goes little beyond that. I don't really care what he is up to. As long as he is taking care of himself and is happy that's fine with me... I have absolutely no desire to know anything about his family history. Never have. Never will. I know when he feels music is ready to come out that it will.. if it happens - ok. I'll buy it. I'll get the singles and such and add them to the boxes that hold my collection - if not - ok. I don't feel strongly one way or another.

I do however, feel strongly about some things.

Nowhere, in anything that I have done, have I ever expected anything in return. I did Hey Jules for fun and as a means to give something back to Julian. Julian had already given his share as far as I was concerned.

For me, life loses its fun in dealing with people who somehow seem to feel they need to compete with me. I'm not a competitive person. I never have been. I hate competitive sports even. The only person I have ever competed with is myself. Challenging myself to see if I could do something. I know that some people's sole drive in life is competition. I personally find that pathetic.

I despise being used. If I'm going to give or do something, I do it of my own accord. I find begging, profuse asking, and trying to bribe and or placate me with something one might think I might want to be tasteless... This is in no means a direct attack on recent events. I was quite surprised at the number of supportive emails I have received and the minimal whining. I appreciate that. This is getting more at my general feelings on life as well as my frustration with people trying to use me to get closer to Julian. There have been people for whom I have done things/had things done for. But the people whom I did it for never really asked me...

My frustration with being used also goes back to the 99 concerts. I find it absolutely despicable that some fans tried to claim a connection to me and or directly impersonate me in order to try to get close to Julian. That is beyond pathetic!

I've had it with a lot of aspects with dealing with a fan site. Not only things mentioned above but the petty jealousies which really rob life of its enjoyment. I had originally thought of simply deleting Hey Jules from the web. I started by deleting things from the Tripod server trying to get down to the new 20MB limit they have set (I originally had 50MB) and going through it was tough. This is my first web site I ever developed and I am fond of it in that sense.  I will be keeping it up as a source of information on Julian Lennon as well as a display of my web design development. I have gotten server space elsewhere (not on Tripod.) I find it stupid to pay for server space on tripod and not be able to use the domain name considering I've owned it for several years. I haven't exactly figured out how this is going to work. I'm basically going to cut things back to what I truly enjoy. And will do them when I feel like it... As I mentioned,  there are other ventures which I want to spend time on. Hey Jules will not cease to exist. It simply won't have the time that has been devoted to it in the past devoted to it anymore.

I've been enjoying doing the "this week in History" and will continue doing it (all the files are already complete since I've been doing it for over a year) so the site will not be stagnant by any means. I have tons of articles and transcripts which just haven't made their way up... they will likely be put up eventually... I enjoy answering information questions... I'm a teacher at heart.. Julian's a topic I know... However, I'm going to reduce individual fan contact because of the experiences I have had in the past. I have enjoyed doing the weekly chats. I find it a means to put some humanity behind the site... and it is a forum in which I'm able to spend relatively little time and answer lots of questions... I will continue to read and answer questions posed at Fanspeak as well... I just have to cut out the nonsense which has been building up and has been making me very frustrated with doing the site at all.

I hope that this explains things.
CJ Burianek
HeyJules.com
April 2002